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  • Writer's pictureTravisha Howard


Updated: May 9

I found myself swimming deep in a sea of thoughts. As I reflected on some recent events in my life, I found myself feeling angry, enraged and regretful. Initially, I felt this way towards certain individuals but then I realized, I was angry with myself. Have you ever been angry with yourself?

I realized in every scenario I always had the choice to walk away from the situation. I chose to stay and deal with it in the name of unconditional love. By deal with it I mean endure it. I realized I was angry with myself because I knew better. I knew that I could love someone unconditionally and still respect myself enough not to give them unconditional access to me. Especially if they were consistently disrespecting me. I also felt angry with myself for the things I did and said in the name of fighting for relationships or trying to be heard instead of just walking away.

Walking away doesn’t always mean you’re quitting on people or quitting on the relationship in terms of just "giving up too easy" or "quitting because things got hard". I never understood the entitlement people feel when they constantly disrespect you but want you to continue the interaction with them in the name of love and loyalty. What sense does that make? What about reciprocation? Why are the apologies coming without changed behavior? Did you know that that alone is a form of manipulation? Sometimes the best response to certain situations is simply REMOVING YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION. I think I was angry with myself because I knew better but I didn’t love or respect myself enough to do what I knew was necessary. I thought I had a high sense of self-respect and self-love. The lesson I've learned is, my life is a reflection of how I truly feel about myself. The relationships I maintain are a reflection of how I feel about myself. Now I sit and reflect on situations that I would’ve never gone through had I trusted my intuition and just walked away.

If you’re struggling with anger towards yourself today, look in the mirror or just say out loud, I’m so sorry. I really do you love you and I’ll never put you through that again. I know it sounds crazy, but it works. It’s the same effect as speaking a positive affirmation over yourself. Also, go to a riot room and release that energy. If you don’t have the money for a riot room, grab a carton of eggs and a permanent marker. Write on each egg something that you want to let go of and throw those eggs as hard as you can at your bathtub or shower. Be prepared to clean up when you’re done. I know, it sounds crazy but I’m telling you, don’t knock it until you try it.

Continue to bloom.

Journal Prompt:

Don't run from your anger. Don't act on it either. Sit with it long enough to learn it's real name. Anger is a secondary emotion. Find the root.

Scripture reference: Ephesians 4:26

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”

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