Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse & Evolve into the healthiest happiest version of you!
Introduction
The Mayo Clinic defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder as “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.” Bringing awareness to the differnt types of Narcissists is extremely important. Relationships with these individuals can lead to physical, psychological, emotional and financial abuse. Most victims of Narcissistic Abuse don’t realize what they’re dealing with until they’re too deep into the connection.
Some may argue that Narcissim is acceptable. It’s simply a form of self confidence. In todays’ society when people can‘t handle another persons confidence they
automatically deem the confident individual as a narcissist. In social arenas where the term Narcissist is over used, the true weight of the term is diminished and the previous statement is true. However, in social arenas with individuals who are well educated on this disorder and its effects, the argument of it being acceptable is egregiously invalid.
Healthy self confidence looks like a balanced love of oneself. Meaning, an individual who is secure in their looks, education, personality and abilities. Confident people are accountable and self accepting. Also, they don’t feel the need to belittle others in order to feel good about themselves. Narcissim is an INFLATED self confidence. Narcissist disrespect boundaries that conflict with their acknowledgement of self importance. Healthy self confidence does not victimize others, narcissism does.
The Different Types of Narcissists
Google AI review reminds us that “Narcissism can manifest in various forms”. Reports show that Psychologists typically categorize narcissists into different types based on their behaviors and traits. Here are some common types.
Grandiose Narcissist
This type of narcissist is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a strong need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. They often display arrogance and have a strong belief in their superiority. An example of this one be Aunt Nan. Aunt Nan is constantly ignoring the boundaries of everyone in the family. This is simply because she's Aunt Nan. Sense she is Aunt Nan, she doesn’t believe the boundaries apply to her because she’s so important. The family wouldn’t be what it is without her. She believes she is the standard for womanhood, motherhood, work ethic, cooking and so on simply because she is Aunt Nan. Aunt Nan acknowledges that she isn’t perfect but only because it looks good to say that, she doesn’t actually believe it, again, she thinks she’s THE standard. Aunt Nan shows no empathy because no else deserves any. After all they’re not her. Grandiose Narcissist believe they are the exception to the rules simply because they’re breathing.
Vulnerable Narcissist
Unlike grandiose narcissists, vulnerable narcissists may appear more insecure and sensitive. They often seek validation but may react with anger or withdrawal when they feel slighted or criticized.
An example of a Vulnerable Narcissist is Alena. Alena appears vulnerable, insecure and sensitive as a manipulation tactic to recieve admeration. An example of this would be Alena loses her job, the job loss is her fault, her finances are in disarray and that is also her fault. Alena will vent to you with a woe is me posture. She’ll refer to herself as stupid or a bum. The goal is for you to respond by telling her how amazinv she is and how this isn’t her fault. Alena wants you to agree that her situation is everyone else’s fault. She’s the victim. If you respond with,” I’m sorry you’re going through that”. Alena is angry with you because you didn’t stroke her ego.
Malignant Narcissist
This type combines traits of narcissism with antisocial behavior. They may exhibit manipulative, aggressive, or even sadistic tendencies and language. Often showing a complete disregard for other’s feelings.
Malignant Narcissists often project blame, devalue their victims, make manipulative statements, gaslight, use threatening/intimidating language and behaviors, operate with entitlement and are professionals at playing the victim.
Devaluation looks like a husband telling his wife that no one else will want her. No one else is going to put up with her and all of her issues. Or visa versa.
Manipulative statements sound like, a loved one telling another loved one she’s being dramatic when she expresses her feelings about how something they did or said hurt her and made her feel disrespected.
Projecting Blame looks like an individual punching a wall, blowing off money or braking down a door out of anger. When confronted about it by a loved one, the individual says, it wouldn’t have to be this way if you hadn’t reacted to me the way you did.
Gaslighting sounds like, “you’re too sensitive. Omg you have no sense of humor you can’t take a joke. You know your memory is bad, you’re remembering that situation all wrong”.
Threatening or Intimidating Language sounds like, a man threatening to make a woman’s life miserable if she leaves him. It also sounds like a man telling a woman she’ll regret leaving or crossing him.
Playing the Victim looks like a person being abusive to another person in a relationship. When the actual victim cuts ties, the perpetrator goes to social media, family, friends and coworkers and says “I can’t believe so and so left me, I‘ m so heart broken. You can’t trust anybody. Omg I sacrificed so much for her. I’m really concerned about her mental health. Everyone is always using me, I don’t even know why I bother to try and help”.
Entitlement sounds like “I deserve special treatment because I work harder than everyone else." or “Why should I have to follow the rules? They don’t apply to me because I’m insert title here.
Covert Narcissist
Covert narcissists may not display overt grandiosity but still harbor a sense of entitlement and a need for admiration. They often play the victim and may use passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate others.
This looks like placing an insult or criticism inside of a joke in front of a crowd. Then calling the criticized/insulted individual “weak, sensitive or disrespectful” for responding with, “what do you mean by that?”
It is important to note that this scenario only happens when others are present. This individual love bombs you privately so that your guard is down. Once you are relaxed they attempt to humiliate you publicly. Especially if you’ve attempted to set boundaries with them. This person feels entitled to disrespect you and your boundaries. They want you to feel inferior to them. The twisted reality is that they feel inferior to you. They feel small next you so they are inclined to humble you. Most of the time you are completely oblivious to it because you’re showing up with a pure heart.
Communal Narcissist
This type seeks validation through perceived acts of kindness or altruism. They may present themselves as selfless but often have an underlying need for admiration and recognition for their good deeds.
This looks like a person constantly insisting on helping others but is easily offended when the help is declined or if the gratitude is not grandiose enough. This person often helps and announces to everyone that they had to help, although they literally insisted.
Aunt Nan insists on helping people in vulnerable situations, not because she cares but because she desires to be worshipped. These people are in the perfect position to feed her superiority complex. If these people turn down her help she’ll demonize them. If they accept her help she tell everyone how lazy and irresponsible they are and how SHE HAD to help them. If they’re gratitude isn’t sufficient enough to make her feel worshipped she’ ll tell everyone how ungrateful they are. This is the Grandiose Narcissist.
Coping Strategies
Set Clear Boundaries
Don’t allow the Narcissist to loop you into explaining why your boundary is necessary
Enforce your boundaries
Be prepared to give consequences for boundary violation
Affirm yourself. The narcissist is going to do everything in their power to paint you in a bad light and turn others against. Stand firm in your boundaries and remember who you are.
Cut off all communication and access.
Dive deeper into your relationship with God
Forgive the Narcissist
Learn the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation
Forgive yourself.
Heal your emotional wounds. Figure out why you tolerated the narcissist in the first place.
Journal
Talk Therapy
Engage in your hobbies
Learn your lesson.
Perfect the art of detachment
Move on with your life. Go in peace. The best revenge you can give a Narcissist is success and no attention. They’ll like do everything they can to provoke a reaction out you, simply ignore them. Its difficult but it’s very effective. They’re so committed to making you look bad they sabotage themselves in the end.
Remember the truth always outlasts the lies. Character is who you are. Image is how others see you. Image wavers, character does not.
Conclusion
The Bible says “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour”. Heal. If you’re battling with childhood traum, insecurity, low self esteem, negative self talk, low self worth, shame, guilt, doubt, hopelessness, ignorance, depression or anything else that goes against your ability to love yourself and recieve love, please face it and heal. All of those things put you in the running to be devoured by narcissistic abuse. Heal so that your wounds won’t dictate your life. Heal so you can make decisions with clarity instead of emotion. Heal so that you don’t find yourself caught in the abuse if a narcissistic web. Face yourself. Do your inner work. Heal. Continue to bloom.
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