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POETRY

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"The Fear That Paralyzes You"

My mind is now paralyzed
I can’t hear
My eyes are stuck
thoughts unclear
My entire aura is clouded by nothingness dressed up in fear
Tears flooded the curve of my cheeks as my eyes drowned from their wells
Emotions kicked in as my superwoman
“I’m fine I don’t cry”
Armor crumbled as
Emotions shatter, the pressure building up in my head
I felt my skull explode
My feelings were exposed
I felt…vulnerable
Rather than run from or deny it
Hide it
Write it
lie on it or
Smile through it
…I JUST FELT IT
That fear that paralyzes you.

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"Self-Worth: My Remedy"

Self-worth where have you been?
You’re late!
I’ve been out here doing stupid things because you made me wait.
My dad chose alcohol and women over me.
Never giving me tools like self confidence
Or the ability to freely say what I need
Lacking the ability to cope with life appropriately
My existence has been full of warm
breezes of happiness obscured by the
darkest clouds of strife.
Experiences are beginning to wear and tear on my inner source of life
My heart broke down but my brain used forgetfulness to remedy the pain
Veneering authentic emotions paved the way for suppression of all feelings associated with men
My first real love cheated on me
The betrayal cut deep
He never apologized; he actually used my actions to justify his game.
I spent 26,280 hours thinking I was to blame.
I neglected my body leaving my self-esteem vulnerable to a
20 year old boy
Parading around like he was a man.
He vandalized this temple with harsh words
Beating me with closed hands.
Penetrating me with a hard unwanted dick
He said I was HIS property, you were still
running late so I believed it.
Self-worth where are you?
You’re late! I’m thinking about killing myself as
The pain increases in levels of excruciate
Contemplating for weeks
I finally mustard up enough value
to continue to
wait for you
But then your counterfeit came.
Tricking me into promiscuity
The taking back of my body justified my game.
I’ll do what I want with who I want when I want
And can’t nobody tell me shit!
But my body grew tired of letting underserving nobodies have access to it
Self-worth, It’s about time.
I’ve been missing you dearly, since I was nine.

White and rose gold abstract border.

"Digesting Anger"

Clamping my hands together
Fingers intertwined like two majestic black bodies making love.
Blood boiling
Hot heart racing with oxygen
Running through my veins like they’d been ignited by one hell of a flame
Involuntarily my jaws quench shut
I count to ten
Take a breath
Hold it, let it go
The release is so aggravating
It’s like listening to a bird sing at heaven’s gates
So annoyingly you shoot it to shut it the fuck up!
Count to ten, bre…
I tried the breathe, the air settles into my lungs it won’t leave
My airways restricted like someone placed an invisible noose around my neck
But I managed to break free in just the nick of time.
He asked What’s wrong?
I said, Nothing, I’m fine.
In reality I can’t think straight
Later I’ll be eating my pain.
Unless I get my fix.
It feels so good when it hits
my lips
the repercussions may never be reconstructed.
But I
Release it anyway
It feels amazing like that care free high you get when you’re intoxicated
But regret throbs at the front of my head like a hangover
I cursed that mathafucker out
Anger is like shit, I can die if I don’t let it out.
Diarrhea of the mouth
A stench that no one wants to be around
but
I got it out.

Black border with pink stenciled flowers.

"The Courage to Love Him Back"

It’s coming back to me now

My guard is ALMOST completely down

THANK GOD for this man

Who loves me even though loving him back was not in my plan

Everything about him breads strength

He makes loving me look so stress-free

I stare at the cuts in his biceps as he works relentlessly with bare hands and pure emotions

to remove each brick

Put in place to build this wall of protection around my heart

He saw me

Now I understand his uncontaminated intentions

His love gives me strength

And

The courage to love him back.

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